Christmas Day

After the exhilaration of the early hours of Christmas morning, waking up to stockings and cards just topped it off. It was about as close to a traditional Christmas as you could hope to get in a hut, in the mountains, in Thailand. Jolly splendid stuff. We were a little slow on the offing, having gone to bed a little later than planned post back gammon and port, but we were soon back on the road to return the bike to Shannon and Holly.

We went for a very tasty Christmas day lunch and then tried to go and hire a motorbike, as I had high hopes for visits to waterfalls, canyons and other such natural splendors. Not being seasoned "motorcycle hirers", we were unaware that most get hired out before the crack of dawn in Pai. We wondered aimlessly up and down and shortly after I decided to wax lyrical about how we: "weren't going to do anything for Christmas day, oh woe". An hour or so later, and with patience being a virtue, we finally got ourselves a bike and we were off.

Some spectacular views and a near-death experience later (don't try and jump over waterfalls children - the "fall" part is there for a reason) I was content that we had done Christmas day justice. After a quick Christmas call home to wish all merriness, we decided to get moving again and headed back into Pai for dinner. This consisted of a burger (not me) and some extremely spicy Chinese Kale in oyster sauce (blew my head off). Shortly after we met up with Shannon and Holly in a hookah bar just around the corner from the restaurant, which was full of very merry Thai men playing cards and giggling... We ended up seeing Christmas day off by buying a lantern each and launching them off the most rickety bamboo bridge, not without the help of some kindly Thai boys who probably had to stop after witnessing our initial pathetic attempt (the first lantern was launched into the river rather than the air).

As we said goodbye to Holly and Shannon before jumping on the bike and headed off on the dark road home, I thought it was a marvellous end to Christmas all around.

The long road travelled

Day two in Pai and Christmas fast approaching. With the lack of lights, tinsel and Western Christmas music in Bangkok, it had begun to feel decidedly un-festive that was until my surprise - Santa had popped over the equator a day early. I was presented with a bag full of cards and letters (this is when I found out) along with a miniature Christmas tree, my own tinsel to decorate it and a stocking to hang. This blooming made my day, thank you everyone who wrote me letters and cards I was utterly chuffed.

After filling up on the very Western breakfast buffet (though they were offering fresh fruit with thousand island dressing - a rather odd but surprisingly frequent offering) we decided to walk into Pai town. It seemed to be the best plan to head off at midday, best chance of sunstroke and dehydration, so off we went. The walk in was actually pretty cool; lots of mountains and countryside and a secluded road to walk in on. The 6.5km took us just under 2 hours and it showed, we were sweaty and a little pink on top - it was our very own Christmas eve hike. At the end of the road we stumbled into a vegetarian/seafood (that's how I eat!!) restaurant called The Sanctuary and ate some "Iguana" style food in the form of steamed pumpkin, guacamole and fresh rolls with accompanying dips. A perfect antidote to the heat and sweat (we are Farang after all).

After this we were off to explore Pai town. As it goes this isn't that hard, Pai is formed of basically a square of four roads lined with shops, stalls and food sellers alongside cars, vans and motorbikes. It's busy. Plenty of tourists here, both Thai and Western. After wandering around for a while, buying coffee from the various converted VW campervans along the way, we hear a voice call our names. Odd as we don't know anyone in Pai. It turned out to be Holly and Shannon, a couple we had met during the cookery course in Chiang Mai. We had company for Christmas Eve, and for the next hour or so we all wandered the 4 streets buying food and chatting and they were kind enough to invite us out for dinner with them and some friends that evening.

After some admin, we headed to the restaurant and passed the remainder of Christmas Eve in grand company with some good food. Closing in on 11pm, Pai was looking a little quieter than before, but only vaguely perturbed we ventured onwards to a bar which was seeing in Christmas Day with a sort of live reggae extravaganza (complete with UV spiderwebs as decor). As time ticked on, I was becoming aware of the lack of vehicles on the streets and a distinct lack of taxis (our hotel being 6.5km away this could pose a potential problem). After asking the proprietor of the reggae bar the status of taxis, I was briefly reassured that this guy would help us out - just not right now, a little later he said.

After seeing him raving it up in the crowd and after he popped over to tell us to "relax he'd take us home after everyone else had gone", we decided to seek alternatives. The four of us headed back to the town, which by this time was fast asleep; barely a vehicle, person or animal was to be seen. After enquiring with a few locals as to the taxi situation, and being laughed at with that knowing look and a merry Christmas, we decided that there were no taxis. This posed a problem; a two hour walk home in cold wasn't appealing at this time (1am) and the other option was to sleep on a doorstep which was also not appealing (it's cold in Northern Thailand at night).

Holly and Shannon had a potential viable alternative (this one's for Dave)... They had hired a motorcycle and were kindly offering to lend it to us to get home. We really had exhausted every other option. Although I had planned to take my first motorcycle ride after a rigorous Health and Safety briefing, wrapped in cotton wool whilst riding on a soft mattress just to be sure, we took the bike.

To recount Dave's advice: don't drive without a helmet, don't drive at night if you can help it, avoid driving on New Years and Christmas eve, don't drive in open toed shoes and so on. All was flaunted. But we got home. The roads were dead, not a soul to be seen, it was freezing but actually fun. It was pitch black and we could see all the stars and the lizards and frogs jumping in front of the bike. We were going about 20mph the entire way but what a way to see in Christmas!

We arrived home to our bungalow, giggling with relief that we'd made it in one piece and before the crack of dawn, deftly grabbed the port and played backgammon on the terrace into the early hours of Christmas day. How terribly British!

The prepared traveller and Chiang Mai to Pai

Post cookery course and a stone heavier, it was finally the time to explore Chiang Mai. That would have been all well and good if I wasn't having kittens about not having booked anything for Christmas and New Year. It's probably not surprising to most people that hotels, hostels and other affordable accommodation is in large part snapped up well in advance by eager, organised holidayers. So began the struggle to book somewhere - many people would just go and see what they got. Sometimes this works out, other times not and I wanted somewhere nice for Christmas. It deserved it (and so did I!).

It would be incredibly dull and pointless to go into details, but it is not easy booking accommodation with but a few days notice at this time of year. After a little bargaining, an inordinate amount of emails and plenty of eye-rolling, we sorted a place out in Pai, 3 hours north of Chiang Mai, for Christmas. And it promised spas, hot springs and mountains.

The remainder of our time in Chiang Mai was grand - our heads were filled with the sights and smells of the Sunday Walking Market which was bargains, colours, food and people (lots of them). The day after the market we noticed that the amazing display of lanterns in the village square had been taken down and concluded that these were in fact in celebration of the King's birthday on the 5th December. So we were lucky to see them.

The last full day in Chiang Mai, we changed hotels to a cheaper place (THB400/night) called "Loves Chocolate" which was great and is run by the nicest family. They also sell Belgium chocolate, and (despite being pricey for Thai standards, is still cheap by Western) if you need a chocolate fix this place can help. Works for me.

That night we ventured to the Mae Ping river, over the bridge to a blues bar to listen to live Thai folk music, which was really good. It happened to be just over the river from the Night Bazaar, so after we popped over there to browse around and take in the sights (as well as some very tasty donuts and other colourful foods). After trying not to spend to much money, we jumped in a Tuk Tuk (the second of the trip THB50) to go meet up with Jo and Jane (post trek) for a few drinks (a couple of cocktails and tequila). What happened after this is slightly blurry, but what I know for sure is that I woke up at 8.30am with a stinking hangover and we had to get a bus very shortly.

For the bus journey to Pai you will need: travel sickness pills, water, good shoes, a clear head and no fear of heights or Thai driving. I had some good shoes but was lacking in a lot of the other stuff. The journey can only be described as brutal and I am just glad I managed to fall asleep, otherwise I'm pretty sure I would've vomited out the window, straight down a cliff face. The road signs, depicting a wiggly line with an arrow at the end only gave half the picture of the journey and could not possibly prepare us for our drivers approach to blind corners (speeding and overtaking on them). I was simply thankful when we set foot in Pai: hot and hungover and tired as I was. A bowl of noodle soup soon sorted me out and shortly after we were piled in the back of a taxi on our way to the Pai Hot Springs Resort - very fancy...

...or so the website implied. The resort was nice, that is not disputed here. Whether it was quite the high-end spa it aspired to be I'm not convinced. Although not the resort's fault (it affected the whole of Pai) there was a power cut when we arrived: this meant nothing worked - no shower, no toilet flush, no water, nought. Good enough reason for a nap we thought. However when we woke up there was still no electricity. We headed out to reception, but communication was a slight problem so we resorted to the hot springs foot bath instead and waited it out there until there was light. The resort was over 6km outside of the main town, so this night it gave us few options for dinner (we were basically in the middle of nowhere) so we opted for the hotel's own restaurant.

The staff here were great and the food was really nice (and not too expensive like we were expecting). I had fried salted garlic ruby fish with various other dishes.

We had left the hot tub filling (yes our own tub filled with water from the hot springs) but when we returned it was rather chilly and the tub wasn't aiding with this - the water was at best lukewarm. A little disappointing. It was also really cold in the room (a self-contained hut raised above the ground) and we only had a sheet and thin blanket - I don't usually feel the cold that badly (and we were in Thailand) but woke up freezing.

So, there were a few down points about the resort - and for the money (THB4000/night - we swung a discount but this was the going rate) not quite sure it's worth it if I'm totally honest. The hotel we stayed in Bangkok was cheaper and it was a good 5*.

3 days and 18 dishes later

Our first three days in Chiang Mai mostly concerned cooking. Cooking and eating. We were picked up at 9.30 in a tuk-tuk (my first since arriving in Thailand due to various warnings I'd read about tourist scams involving them). Quite a different experience to the autos in India, and not as much fun in my opinion. We were taken to the main office for the cooking school where 25 odd other Westerners were sat, clutching at their free recipe book and waiting patiently to begin the cooking at the Chiang Mai cookery school.

We were introduced to all manner of beautiful Thai girls with names like: Baloo, Garn and Beer and then we were all off in three "Songthaews" (taxis which are like trucks, open at the back with two rows of seats running down each side - you hold on to a bar on the ceiling).

The cooking began with a trip to the market to be told about Thai ingredients and to buy all the necessary bits and pieces for the day's cooking. The market was amazing and we learnt all about rice, fish, herbs, spices (who knew turmeric was a root that looks just like ginger and can be used to soothe insect bites? Not I) and various other things that I forgot almost immediately but were infinitely useful.

Then off to cook. Cooking began after the market and outside of town, during the day we cooked and ate almost constantly. Probably eating more than is necessary for one person in that amount of time, and consequently upon getting back to the hotel a post-class nap was unavoidable.

This went on for three days - the course cost 112 pounds for two people and considering the amount of food you eat and all the things you cook that's not bad. You certainly don't need a meal in the evenings (though a fresh ginger tea from the food stall on the back to the hotel was very welcome and incredibly spicy - good for digestion). I will endeavour to make as much Thai food upon my return as possible, and you can hold me to that.

Overall, I highly recommend doing a cookery course (though perhaps 3 days was a little much as it only really left 2 days to explore Chiang Mai), we met some great people and we learnt a lot. All the people at the cookery school were friendly and good at what they do, a couple had a wicked sense of humour which made the day that little bit more fun. So, dinner in 2009?

12 hours to Chiang Mai

Now so much time has passed and so many things have been seen, I'm losing track of what day it is most of the time. Still, to recount the happenings of the last week. On the 17th December we left Bangkok for Chiang Mai, after a slightly annoying taxi journey where the taxi driver completely over-charged us, we made it to Hua Lamphong train station to begin the trip to Chiang Mai.

The experience at this train station was worlds apart from Delhi. Delhi was piles of people, bags, rubbish, dogs: a general throng of movement and noise and very over-whelming. Bangkok was a much more ordered affair and finding our seats was much less fraught (at Delhi station Sam and I had to pour over pages and pages of names to find where we were sitting, at Bangkok it was written on our ticket).

The train journey was during the day and was pleasant enough. We had second class tickets and this was absolutely fine, though at this time of year I highly recommend booking well in advance - lots of people we spoke to had trouble getting tickets. We had stocked up with enough food for the journey and some of the views along the way were excellent. Though after 12 hours sat on a train you'll be itching to get up, move around and feel your butt cheeks again.

We arrived in Chiang Mai before schedule (about 20 minutes early) and headed off to the Elegant Lanna hotel (in another overpriced taxi perhaps!). As Jon told us in advance, Chiang Mai (despite being large for Thai standards) was quiet in comparison to Bangkok (though the driving and traffic are not to be underestimated). We were too tired to contemplate doing much, and a customary trip to the street food stalls was our only activity that evening. For one thing we had to get a decent night's sleep in for our cookery course, which started at 9.30am the following morning.

My birthday in two parts

Just last night I had a belated birthday surprise in the guise of a number of letters and cards from friends. This made me very happy, so very happy I even shed a tear or two(and this was nothing to do with my stinking hangover). Thank you everyone for sending me stuff, friends and family. I've not opened all the cards, the rest are around the little plastic Christmas tree in my hotel room waiting to be opened tomorrow morning!

The BKK birthday

My first birthday outside of England started with a rather confusing taxi journey from the Lub d hostel to my first ever stay in a 5* hotel. The highlight of this stay being the elephant shaped towel animal on the bed and the rooftop swimming pool complete with a panoramic vista over Bangkok city. I did feel slightly odd walking into such plush surroundings in my cheap ali ba ba trousers with a grubby back pack slung over my shoulders (mother would've been proud), however the staff on the door were very welcoming and we were soon offered a fresh glass of orange juice whilst grubby back packs were taken by the bell boy and we were whisked off up to the 8th floor. Very fancy.

(I would just like to say as an aside, I highly recommend the Lub d hostel. Although you can probably find cheaper (Jon told us about a hostel he stayed in for 3 pounds per night that was basically an office that was probably still in use) it's worth a few pounds extra a night. It's inpecably clean and all the staff are friendly and helpful. There are loads of resources and information available in the hostel's bar and drinks are reasonable. It's perfectly located for exploring greater Bangkok as well, especially if you want to avoid the touristy Khao San Road area. I'd stay there again without a doubt.)

Of course it was straight to the roof and the views were amazing, very reminiscent of the views of Chicago from the rooftop swimming pool in June. After a leisurely swim it was back to the room to get pretty (which took about 10 minutes - it's that easy) and then down to the hotel restaurant to make the most of the complimentary drinks and food. After we'd piled our plates up with offerings and had some really rather tasty guava juice, we headed on out to the sky train to make our way towards Mo Chit to meet up with Jon and Noo Noo for dinner.

After a phonecall from Noo Noo to the taxi driver (a very worthwhile thing when trying to get a taxi in Thailand, in fact it is wise to make use of any directions you can get written in Thai when trying to get somewhere - most hotels and hostels provide business cards with directions in Thai) off we went to the restaurant which I'd left in the capable hands of Noo Noo to choose. And I wasn't disappointed.

Dinner was a veritable feast of fresh water fish, pork kebabs with satay, shrimp in this curry sauce, fish cakes, shrimp salad and all manner of dips and accompaniments. Along with this a beautiful chocolate guiness cake for dessert prepared by Noo Noo the ever talented cook (her spring rolls are also amazing).

After dinner unfortunately Noo Noo had to go home to work but Jon, Ty and I hit the bars. It's clear that tourism levels are down in Bangkok this peak season as most of the bars were fairly quiet if not empty. I had opted to head for a bar called Cheap Charlie's, aptly named perhaps, which turned out to be an al fresco bar which was sort of set on the corner of a side street. This was about the only really busy place we'd seen. After drinks and chats we noticed that all the lights on the street had gone out and it was probably time to head back to the hotel.

After a birthday chat with mum and dad I hit the sack (at approximately 4am) feeling very contented about my birthday shin dig.

Crossing the road in Bangkok

Surprisingly, crossing the road in Thailand is more hair raising than India. Crossings are few and far between and when you do find one just because you see the little green walking man, it doesn't mean anyone is actually going to stop for you. I'm sure the average "farang" (the Thai word for Westerners meaning we have big eyes, big bodies, we are taller than Thai people and we eat toast for breakfast - Jon told me this word originated from Thai people's inability to pronounce "Francais" when referring to French tourists and it came out sounding like "farang"...or something like that) is a bit of fun for local drivers and motorcyclists to play chicken with in Thailand. And why not.

Making an effort to learn a few basic words (hello, thank you or the equivalent thereof) goes a long way to making a good impression. And with Thai people being so welcoming and likeable there's a good chance you'll make this effort. It's worth being aware of the cultural "dos and don'ts" of any country you visit, and in Thailand you need to be aware of things like attitudes towards feet (you don't point your feet at religious figures or people of high standing such as the King) and things like how rustling a Thai person's hair is considered incredibly rude.

More than once I experienced Westerners showing no awareness of some of these things. One lady was sat in the temple at the Grand Palace pointing her feet at the buddha image, and when she was told not to do this began to laugh. It was embarrassing to witness and does not give a good image of tourists.

So, Bangkok in brief. The food here is amazing. You can buy street food for anywhere between THB 40/80 which roughly translates as 1 - 1.50 British pounds (no pound signs on these computers). The food is so tasty and you can risk not liking what you order (lots of the menus are in Thai so you for the most part guess at what you are ordering) because it's so cheap. This does mean that street food is not vegetarian friendly, and whilst I've tried the odd bit of meat I mostly end up leaving the meat. I'm sure this was probably very confusing to these sellers, because why on earth would someone neglect the meat?

The area that we were staying in, off Silom and very close to the metro and sky train, was very conveniently located and was not Khao San which I really wanted to avoid and did so successfully. It helped to know exactly where we wanted to go each day - straight to the train...perfect.

You could also take the sky train to Saphon Taksin central pier, where you can catch a water taxi for about THB 20 (not a fancy tourist boat for about 200 times the price, you have to watch this as the tourist boats are happy to let you think they are the water taxi - the clue is in the price). This water taxi goes right along the river and up to the Grand Palace and the sleeping buddha so is incredibly handy. You also get a ride along the river which is peppered with many temples and sights. It's actually a lot of fun and there are lots of interest street food sellers and market stalls around this area.

We were also near an area called Patpong, notorious so I'm told, for it's strip bars and gogo dancers; hence every 10 steps you are likely to be propositioned with the offer of "ping pong pussy show" or "DVD sex". It's very easy to ignore these, so do. We heard many stories of Westerners being ripped off in these bars and I'd been ripped off enough already.

Just walking around Bangkok was incomparable to Delhi. There were so many Westerners on Silom that you are far more inconspicuous - in Delhi you were something to stare and wonder at, take photos and video of.

It's almost impossible not to go shopping in Bangkok, everywhere you look clothes, nick-nacks, trinkets and various penis shaped offerings greet you. I spent majority of my time and money at the Suan Lum night bazaar right on the edge of Lumpini Park - a mind spinning maze of hundreds of small stalls, bright lights and colours. There is also a great area for street food just right as you exit the metro; not however the large area in the middle of the bazaar with the stage. We found this too much geared towards Westerners with promises of "not too spicy" and offerings of kebab and burgers. The little darkened food area was far cheaper and far better in my opinion.

We also spent a fair bit of time at Lumpini park itself which offers all kinds of freebies: from aerobics at 5pm to open air gyms to the Bangkok Symphony Orchestra playing a free concert we stumbled upon. At all times of day there are people running, stretching and generally keeping fit. I spent a lot of time watching these people thinking how I don't keep fit. It put things in perspective so I went and got a beer. There is also a great food court on the edge of Lumpini Park that is definitely worth checking out.

Overall, the first part of my stay in Bangkok had been relaxing and hassle free.

Post paradise and the long wait...

Saturday the 6th December saw our departure from Palolem. The stay on the beach was like a final sigh of relief and was a great way to end the India trip. The Chattai Huts that we stayed in were great, there are no permanent structures allowed so the people that run these places re-build them each year for the start of the season. There are so many options to choose from for accomodation, lots on the beach which might have been nice as ours was a little away from the beach. I'm also not sure how the Chattai compares to others on the beach for prices, so if anyone's thinking of going it's probably worth researching a few.

The gentleman that ran Chattai, Charlie DeSilva, was really friendly and laid back and made us very welcome. Although the morning before our departure I had broken the shower and went to let him know, and during our conversation he happened to mention that the on the 6th of December all airports in India had been put on high alert due to a threat of a terrorist attack that had been received by India authorities. This did feature intermittently in my thoughts until we landed in Mumbai the following day. I'm glad I have complete control over my nerves.

We arrived in Mumbai airport at 3pm in the afternoon and then the wait. Jo's flight was at 2am and mine was at 6am the following day. This was gruelling. We had no other choice unfortunately, due to the uncertainty of our plans this was how it panned out. Mumbai international airport is being revamped so there is a serious lack of anything, the seats are all metal and there is no way of reclining. This was all ok for about 9 hours, then Jo went to get her flight around 1am and the next 5 hours couldn't have passed more slowly.

I hadn't eaten since the flight from Goa and I was just exhausted. I also wasn't happy to fall asleep as I was on my own. A fight also broke out at the departure gate between a group of Indian men; it turned out that there was some disagreement about whether chairs were meant for people or bags. At 5am I'm really not sure it's worth fighting about.

Anyway, once on the plane I dozed intermittently between tea and more flight food and was just glad to arrive in Bangkok! If I'd had more than an hour's sleep I might actually have jumped and done a small celebratory dance.

Jo met me with my bag which was initially confusing as I wasn't sure how she'd managed to get there and get my bag - this was partly due to my malfunctioning brain. We got on our way and jumped in a taxi with a taxi driver who spoke no English, had no idea where he was going and over charged us by about THB 350. I was too tired to argue and just wanted to get the hostel as quickly as possible.

After a number of detours we finally found the place and it's a great hostel in a really handy location: the Lub d hostel on Decho Road. I fell asleep almost immediately after sitting down and it really felt good. After about 3 hour's sleep we woke up and went in search of food, the hostel provided a very handy map of all the places to eat within about a 20 minute walking distance and we soon found some noodles. This was the first non-aeroplane food we'd eaten in nearly 48 hours and was very welcome. I had this deep-fried noodle dish with this omelet on top with gravy.

The first night in Bangkok had sated my appetite and for that I was grateful.

And relax...

Ok, so there is a lot to catch up on so third post ahoy...

Bangalore turned out to be a bit of a treat which was vastly to do with my friends Si and Emily putting myself and my friend Jo up for 3 days. This made the world of difference as well as being an incredibly kind thing to do. Emily had to work crazy hours (1pm - midnight each day) so we had Si as our guide for the most part. Bangalore is particularly noted for it's nightlife and eateries (tasty paneer kebabs with satay thank you very much). We also made it to the Lalbagh Botanical Gardens on the first day, which was a pleasant escape from the traffic and fumes and dust, though I did see some monkeys do something unmentionable which turned my already weakened stomach.

Jo and I were the subject of many an Indian family photo though, lots of posing with people at fountains and various other places. A strange experience but nothing malicious meant of it, just straight-forward curiosity. We also met two really friendly Indian girls from Gujarat who were in Bangalore for marriage (in their own words). They showed us pictures of them in traditional Gujarat dress and talked about their culture and it was the first conversation I had with an Indian person that didn't result in being sold something!

Aside from the stress of trying to figure out what our next destination was (and my flight being cancelled and moved to a much later date) Bangalore was great. In large part to Si and Emily's generosity - thank you both!

On the aforementioned's recommendation, we left the city after 3 days and hop-skipped it to Palolem in Goa to stay in a beach shack and soak up some sunshine. After 2 weeks of cities and traffic this was a welcome last-minute decision. The beach hut we stayed in was up some treacherous steps but was affordable and an experience- we showered with frogs and lizards and slept under mozzie nets. The beach was fairly quiet (probably due to the terrorism and the problems in Bangkok so the locals told us) but you cannot escape the sellers of jewellery and clothing that comb the beaches all day. They are mostly sweet but very persistent: "You promise, I have been waiting for you. You promised you would come - don't break your promise." and other variations on the above theme.

This beach is very Western and laid back and you can get away with a lot more in your attire than you can in other places in India and even Goa - walking around in a bikini, shoulders and knees on display. This kind of dress would get you all manner of unwanted attention elsewhere, and it's worth remembering this when you leave.

Ultimately, Palolem was great escapist fun from a very manic couple of weeks. Next time I'm taking Sam there!

Tips for Delhi

1. Get a map before you arrive - although I'm not sure exactly where or how, there has to be a way so find out and do it.
2. Do not allow any friendly Indians in Connaught Place direct you to the "official tourist office", they will inevitably take you to their mate's place where they will try and sell you an over-priced trip with no guarantee of quality and then go for the hard sell when you look like your about to leave. No matter how friendly your new Indian acquaintance may seem, they are most likely trying to scam you when in this area. Smile and walk on. It's the only way.
3. Do not stop for any amount of time in Connaught Place, to relax to think to look at the sky - this will probably result in being swarmed by a number of people trying to take off your shoes and stick things in your ears and they will then try to charge you 1000 rps for the privilege. Again, not fun.
4. When you have your map try and figure out Connaught Place before getting there - it is a maze of letters on columns and streets running horizontally and diagonally and is littered with supposed tourist offices which will rip you off. The official office is the ONLY one that has DDTC written outside it and it is a darkened room with three very friendly and non-pushy Indian men in it who will laugh at you for even vaguely considering walking into any of the other offices - you silly Westerners!
5. If you have a hotel in Karol Bagh your hotel owners will probably also try and rip you off - beware of anyone offering to show you were the metro is and then conveniently taking you to the hotel's own tourist office - ah hem!
6. Book all your accommodation before you get there. Avoid hotels in Karol Bagh and do your research - do not wait until you get there as you will most likely be scammed.
7. Autos are the best way to get around Delhi - make sure you hail one and ask them to use the meter or negotiate a price before you get in. Don't get one that tries to sell to you (thank you Mr Singh on your 38th birthday with your offer of a special (expensive) tour of Delhi, but no thanks).

These things ought to help, but you still might end up prey to a scam. Best thing to do is be angry really briefly and peg it up as experience for the rest of your trip in Delhi.

Finally an update

Well it's been approximately three weeks since I left the UK and it feels like I've been here for years. I'll try not to go on for ages with all the details but in a nutshell it's been a challenge. I'll start with a brief run-down of my first days in India with Sam. Upon arriving in Bangalore (literally for just the one night) we got a hair raising taxi journey (not uncommon) to the Bangalore Gate hotel. This was our first look at India and it was stray dogs, makeshift houses on the side of the road, autorickshaws, brightly painted lorries, people walking out into traffic seemingly oblivious of the danger, dust, roadside shacks selling food...and all this at about 5am. The city was waking up.
As it goes we didn't really spend any time in Bangalore on this first day, rather we just conked out in recovery from time changes and long haul flights. Though around 3pm I suggested to Sam we go for a wander. The roads around our hotel were chocka block and crossing the road was a battle of wits. Unsuspecting, jet-lagged Westerners beware! We finally found ourselves on a main thoroughfare which was a pavement puzzle of varying sizes, shapes and pot-holes. Navigating this, the rubbish on the streets, people in all directions and the odd vehicle up on the pavement was something Bangaloreans have obviously mastered at youth.

After an hour of wandering the maze of streets we eventually happened upon a fruit bar selling milkshake type concoctions and this provided some welcome relief to the dust and petrol fumes. We hadn't seen another Westerner since arriving in Bangalore, and the staff at the fruit bar were eyeing us like we might eye the Hindu temple up the road. This took some getting used to. Shortly after this we retreated to the hotel and the relative safety of the National Geographic channel and room service food, which was particularly good at this hotel.

5am on day two we're back in a taxi to the airport to head to Delhi. This was a 5 hour round journey from hotel to hotel. In Delhi we were greeted with much the same sights and sounds and smells just in greater proportions. We got to our hotel (which was nasty - less said about this the better) and began to gather our senses to start exploring. This first day would turn out to be a sharp learning curve. To cut a long story short, if you're a Westerner in Delhi, if you look in the slightest like you might not know where your going, if you show the slightest hesitation there are hordes of people just waiting for you. This is usually in the various guises of scams. Despite having read about these scams I still fell prey to it, so I would caution anyone staying in the Karol Bach district or whenever visiting Connaught Place. This first day Sam and I would write off as experience, peg it up as never happening again. Unfortunately we spoke too soon but that's another story.
To cut to the chase, we found the Government Tourist office after quite some time and negotiation, and booked a trip to Agra.
The following day we found a little bit of peace and tranquility at India Gate in New Delhi - it was a relief to get away from the noise and the scammers. Though there were plenty of street sellers, at one point we were surrounded by purveyors of postcards, nick-nacks and cobras - photos, buy, look, excuse me. There was another incident where a small boy with a painted on moustache and a crazy hat danced for us and climbed through impossibly small hoops. This was so funny we couldn't help but hand over a tip.
Day 3 in Delhi saw us rise at 5am to get ready and find a rickshaw to the Central Tourist office (this was after a rather fraught night of insomnia and the infamous Delhi belly - there is no escape!). It doesn't get light until around 7am in India and I was a little anxious wondering about on dark, empty streets and all the auto drivers appeared to be asleep in the back of their vehicles. After some pansying around, we eventually just bit the bullet and jumped in an auto and got going. It is also really cold in India before the sun comes up, and there was a real bite in the air. After a completely mad 45 minutes including driving like crazy on dark streets watching the people and the fires lit, a temple which we had no interest in going to, a mad flower market and a very helpful Indian man we made it to the office.
The rest is yet another of the Indian experiences that I will never forget. A 5 hour drive to Agra, driving into on coming traffic, using five lanes when there are only two, knocking motorbikes, driving up the back of autos with an impossible number of people riding in, on and around them, so that their toes touched the front of our bus. We made it to the Taj Mahal and it was breath-taking. We also met some great people on this trip and it was one of the highlights.
The rest of the time in Delhi I'll surmise: Old Delhi, Sikh festival, more scams, more insomnia, more traffic, the Red Fort, Idly, lassies, Darjeeling tea, dust, excuse me come look at my shop...you get the picture.
Sam and I then had the great fortune of yet another experience of getting the train from Delhi to Bangalore. Now, first class on Indian trains is nice enough - you get a private cabin, it locks, it's air conditioned. There are still cockroaches though and plenty of them, all coming out of the sink. 36 hours on a train is something else, and unfortunately the view out of the window was slightly obscured by some odd paint that was lavished all over it. I was also very unwell, and trust me you don't want to be unwell in India on a train. It just ain't pretty. We spent most of our time trying to interpret the cat-calls of the various sellers of food and drink that pace up and down the train throughout the journey. I'm pretty sure I speak for both Sam and I when I say we were glad to be off that train, though even this produces an effect not dissimilar to being on a boat for 36 hours; you feel like you're still on it even when you get off. This was producing a very disorientating effect at the hotel.
We stayed at the Tricolor in Bangalore which was a pleasantly clean change from all our previous dwellings. The unfortunate attacks in Mumbai had made us both feel a little uncomfortable and so we spent most of our time in this hotel watching the situation unfold on the news and trying to get updates about what was going on in Bangkok. The room service wasn't a patch on the first hotel and after 3 days of the same tasting green curry I was about to go mad.
Sam left on Saturday morning to get his plane home I hope with some sort of "life experience" or whatever you want to call it. The rickshaws, the bus trip, the scammers, the food, India Gate, the Taj, the Delhi belly, the cockroaches, the little children saying hello, the mothers and children begging and sleeping on the side of traffic chocked roads, the queues at the metro, the nice man who told us to go home and have a beer and relax, Mr Singh and his birthday, the little boy with the moustache and it all.

I should mention "Christmas"

In all the panic of Tuesday, I completely forgot to give "Christmas" a mention. Aside from the lack of Christmas tree, roast dinner and Santa as well as the abundance of Immodium I received by means of gifts, it was exactly like a Christmas at the correct time of year...

There was dancing:

And drinking:


There was a certain je ne sais qua:


Basically, there was a whole heap of class mixed with rum, beer and red wine:



Just how Christmas ought to be...

The time on my hands world map

Since I gained some time to amble towards my trip, I thought this time was well spent getting to know photoshop and making myself a map showing my trip. The theory is: London - Bangalore - Mumbai - Bangkok - Chang Mai - Malaysia - Singapore - Philippines - Tokyo - Costa Rica - Calgary - Banff - Edmonton - Vancouver - Seattle - San Francisco - LA - London.

1 is not 3 is not 5

Today has served to be a sharp learning curve. I have discovered to never expect anything, not to trust what you read on the internet no matter how much of it you actually read (I realise that this particular point may be best attributed to the rantings of an idiot) and how to manage extreme panic. All of which I am going to add to my CV in various guises.

On visiting the Indian Embassy this morning, I learned that you can no longer get a VISA in a day. In fact, they can't even promise it within 3 working days. Now, this presented a slight problem, namely that my flights are on Friday and there is an Indian national holiday on Thursday. The best they could offer me was the potential that I might get it on Friday some when between 11am - 3pm. Unfortunately this was less than reassuring as my flight is at 1.50pm, as is my little brother's. So, short of causing a commotion in the Embassy, I decided to go outside and cause a commotion to myself. Suffice to say, there were expletives and lots of them.

After briefly convincing myself that the world had in fact ended, I pulled myself together and called in the cavalry. One cup of Earl Grey later (I'd turned down the initial offer of a chocolate tart, I had even refused to go to my favourite restaurant on the premise the situation would mar it - that's how distraught I was ) I was feeling a little more composed and had made one of the compulsory lists that have characterised my planning these last 4 months.

After a number of fraught phone calls to the travel agent, the long and short of it is I am no longer flying to Bangalore on the 14th November and will instead be flying on the 18th. Upon learning this, I ate the chocolate tart - which I had been bought to take away - and this signified that everything was [pretty much] better. I decided to be philosophical and say - f*** it. I'm still going and what with the recession what's another £200 odd? That's the way to do it.

Now I just have to cancel hotels and train journeys and we're about done. I'm going back to bed.

Counting down the days

On Friday 14th November I officially leave behind the drizzle and do not return to it until 2009.